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Beyond Politics

This article can be found at:
http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20081007/LIFE/810070304

By KIM MULFORD • Courier-Post Staff • October 7, 2008

Nothing polarizes a presidential election like abortion. For many Americans, it's the one issue that will determine how they vote, a topic loudly argued in the public arena.

In private, the politics of abortion often have silenced those struggling to deal with their emotions following the procedure. For some, it is a secret battle with depression, anxiety, grief and anger. Some fall into compulsive or addictive behaviors and even suicide.

How many are suffering? That's subject to debate, too.

About one in three women in the United States will have had an abortion by age 45, according to the Alan Guttmacher Institute. Abortion does not cause long-term mental health problems for most women, the institute reports, though it acknowledged women who ended wanted pregnancies or who lacked support from their partners or parents "may feel a greater sense of loss, anxiety and distress."

It's for those women, their partners and the people who love them that Michaelene Fredenburg wrote her recently published book, "Changed: Making Sense of Your Own or a Loved One's Abortion Experience" (Perspectives, $24.99).

A frequent speaker and guest lecturer at universities and events, Fredenburg recounts her slog through depression, an eating disorder and suicide attempts following an abortion at age 18. It took years of group and individual therapy to work through her feelings.

The book relates anonymous true stories of women and men dealing with abortion experiences. A large portion of the book includes resources and steps to start the healing process, including journaling, building a support network, identifying feelings and recognizing unhealthy behaviors. Proceeds from the book benefit the outreach she created called Abortion Changes You, which seeks to help people deal with the emotional fallout of abortion.

George Zallie of Cherry Hill shares Fredenburg's non-judgmental view on abortion. Six years ago, his 21-year-old daughter Stacy took her life, 14 months after ending an unplanned pregnancy. To honor the memory of his daughter, he started the Stacy Zallie Foundation, which lists resources for post-abortive counseling on its Web site, www.stacyzallie.org

Zallie found out about his daughter's abortion after her death. She didn't tell her parents why she was depressed, but she did ask for counseling. Zallie found a therapist for Stacy, but didn't realize how serious her problems were until it was too late. Always close to his daughter, Zallie doesn't know why she didn't tell him what was wrong, but he wishes she had.

"I miss her terribly every day," Zallie said. "Life's not the same. I have my own difficulties with it."

Zallie doesn't want to debate whether or not abortion should be legal. But he does want the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association to acknowledge the potential emotional aftermath of the procedure. He wants women to know what feelings they might experience after an abortion and how they can get help.

He personally answers e-mails from visitors to the site, corresponding with women around the world who want to talk about their abortion experience. He shares their pain. He wants them to know they are not alone. He wants them to know this father cares.

"I can't let this happen to somebody else," said Zallie.

That's what motivates Fredenburg, too. While writing her book, Fredenburg saw Zallie's Web site and met with him on a visit to Philadelphia. The 42-year-old California resident was the guest speaker at a recent fundraiser in Gloucester Township for the Stacy Zallie Foundation.

"My heart was just wrenched for him and for his daughter," said Fredenburg during a phone interview. "I really relate to that and think I was very fortunate that I was able to get the help that I did, because I was definitely suicidal by the time I reached out for professional help."

Finding help can be difficult, Zallie and Fredenburg agreed. Some women can't afford it, don't know about it or aren't ready to seek it out. Fredenburg's book is a self-help guide to working through feelings. It includes national resources and hot lines.

Planned Parenthood offers counseling to women facing a problem pregnancy, said Joyce Kurzweil, executive vice president of Planned Parenthood of Southern New Jersey. Every choice is gone over in detail, Kurzweil said. If a woman needs services that aren't provided by Planned Parenthood, such as an abortion or other counseling, she is referred to help outside Planned Parenthood. Some clinics such as the Cherry Hill Women's Center offer pre- and post-abortion counseling to women who request it. Free post-abortion counseling is frequently offered by organizations with a religious mission, such as Rachel's Vineyard or crisis pregnancy centers. If someone doesn't feel comfortable with that it can be an obstacle for them, says Fredenburg.

Rita Leone-Reyes, founder of Choices of the Heart, said the Washington Township-based pregnancy resource center offers a seven-week post-abortion healing program. She views Choices of the Heart as a "life-affirming" ministry. It is listed on the Stacy Zallie Foundation Web site as a nonjudgmental counseling resource. A number of volunteers have had abortions themselves, Leone-Reyes said.

"If they don't have permission to grieve for that baby because it's a secret and they couldn't tell anybody about it, that's what causes stress and trauma," said Leone-Reyes. "It leads to all sorts of issues: addictive behaviors, bad dreams, co-dependent relationships, abuse, alcohol dependency -- those types of things. We see it over and over again."

Leone-Reyes calls it "post-abortion syndrome," a controversial term among abortion rights advocates. Fredenburg prefers "reproductive loss and grief."

If society acknowledges abortion is like other reproductive losses, such as stillbirth or infertility, it opens the door for dialogue about how people are impacted, Fredenburg said. For many, she said, abortion is not about politics. It's about a painful emotional experience.

Reach Kim Mulford at (856) 486-2448 or kmulford@courierpostonline.com